Our humble planet boasts an incredible range of living things, and here at Darkvale Studios, we seek to showcase the repulsive ones. Our field agents have sought out some of the most incredibly rare and unlikely creatures an imaginative creator could tuck into Earth's shadowy recesses, then promptly dunked them in ether and shipped them to us for a quick buck. From the South American Bird Eating Tarantula to the Danish Yodeling Beetle, from the Chinese Twerking Frog to the extremely rare and optimistic Yemeni Cricket, our acquisitions department have hacked through the steamiest of jungles and shopped in the blackest of black markets to send us specimen jars and air holed crates of fantastical beasts only a drug addled god could have conjured. So whether you want a dried adolescent chupacabra skeleton from a Yucatan silver mine or a beautifully preserved satyr skull obtained in a Roman gypsy village, you’re much more likely to scratch your cryptozoological itch in the Darkvale Emporium than oh, say, Wayfair.com. They do have some lovely lampshades over there, though. If there’s a creature you’ve heard of but not been able to find, contact us and you may be pleasantly surprised how quickly we can go destroy an extremely rare living thing to make you happy. So reach out to Darkvalestudios.com for your creature needs, and your money can help us bribe the World Wildlife Fund into continuing to pretend we’re just an Orlando prop shop.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Despite Darkvale Studios' strict "no puns" policy, we're going to let "Yemeni Cricket" slide. That one's pretty good.