While our new website offers its visitors much to look at, its greatest asset is yet to come: the glorious Darkvale Emporium, an online mercantile of strange and beautiful artifacts from the artisans and adventurers that comprise our staff. We do apologize for the delays that have gone into launching this part of our site. As it turns out, our vendors are more used to trading their goods for illegal pyrotechnics and exotic animals than online credit card payments, so a vigorous learning curve is now underway for all involved. There has been a great deal of profanity and fist shaking, as well as an unexpected ocelot attack, but we believe we will be joining the modern world as a viable marketplace in the very near future. Until our selection of hand-picked goods are available online, I would like to take this opportunity to preview one of our more popularly sold items thus far - human skulls. I assume you realized we wouldn't be selling Hello Kitty backpacks anytime soon.
"Lost Adventurers" - starting at $50
By the very definition of Adventure, not all who partake in it are guaranteed to return. These unlucky devils at least survived intact enough to serve as lovely conversation pieces for your next book club gathering. For a few extra shillings, we'll send you one whose eye sockets still flicker and glow with the embers of eternal madness from some unspeakable curse. Also makes a delightful paperweight.
You must admit this is more interesting than any box you've ever received from Overstock.com.
So, there you have it - more preview samples will be made available in the days and weeks ahead, and we hope to have the Darkvale Emporium online and ready to serve all of your more strange and adventurous shopping tastes by this summer. Stay tuned, spread the word, and so long for now...
Alas, poor... Yorick? Reginald? Larry? They all look alike after a few months.